A New Way to Think About Engagement Proposals

Last weekend, I proposed. But you were already engaged.

Yes, I know I proposed too. So, why ask her to marry you when you already said yes to her?

Reciprocate the request for their commitment. That’s precisely the first reason why I proposed. Maya asked me but I didn’t ask her in return. She asked for my commitment to her for the rest of our lives. I wanted the same. Yes I recognize when a proposal happens, the reciprocation of such a commitment is often assumed. However, doing a two-sided proposal gives incredible affirmation of such a dual commitment.

Defy traditions and expectations. It seems as though tradition puts us under the impression that we need to lead our lives a certain way and do things a certain way such as an engagement proposal. A person proposes to the other. The other says yes. They get married. They live “happily ever after”. There’s that. But there’s also freedom to do as you please. The freedom to celebrate, affirm, and live your love for one another the way you want to. The options are boundless. That’s why I thought, why not do my own version of a surprise proposal, hopefully making my fiance feel just as special as I did when she proposed to me. Because of that, we had double the surprises, double the fun!

Pursue the extraordinary. Whenever we hope to become exclusive with another individual, we’re often looking for stability and security. They’re in this just for you, as you are for them. Meanwhile, we become frightened when we become that “old married couple” who don’t seem exciting or into one another. I believe a psychotherapist, Esther Perel’s Mating in Captivity, says it perfectly.

“We seek a steady, reliable anchor in our partner. Yet at the same time we expect love to offer a transcendent experience that will allow us to soar beyond our ordinary lives. The challenge for modern couples lies in reconciling the need for what’s safe and predictable with the wish to pursue what’s exciting, mysterious, and awe-inspiring.

-Esther Perel’s Mating in Captivity, 2006

So, how can we have both? How can we maintain both the lust for novel experiences and the assuring stability and faithfulness with our partner? Do the adventure you desire with them. Do something new with them. Do something different with them. Stay attuned to their love language as well as your own and be responsive to that. Do the firsts again, with a twist. Host an engagement party twice. Renew your vows every few years. Go on a honeymoon for 2 weeks every summer because heck with it right? Enjoy your extraordinary selves, together.

4 comments

  1. Rebecca says:

    “However, doing a two-sided proposal gives incredible affirmation of such a dual commitment.”

    YES. I’m not here to challenge the norm but currently in today’s society (advancing technology and lurking through the so-called gadgets in our hands all the while not realizing who is in front of us can cause a turmoil)… one’s commitment is not enough. It takes two to build a future while combining two families into one.

    Congrats Cee! Someday, I hope to meet Maya. 😊

    Like

    • Indeed! I’m with you. There’s much more to maintaining a dual commitment that is honorable, healthy, and happy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and congratulations, Rebecca!

      Like

  2. Fiona Grugan says:

    This is delightful. We did a double proposal too, albeit a year apart. Because immigration and moving countries was involved, the double proposal was a way to reaffirm the commitment after a year.

    Liked by 1 person

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